I am thankful that my experiences are not unique. When I read, I can find little (and sometimes not so little) pieces of myself written out on the page before me. Other people, whether complete strangers or long time friends experience so many of the same types of emotions, thoughts, actions, and occurences as me that we have far more in common than we do that is different. I am thankful for the bond this creates, the empathy, sympathy, understanding. Knowing how much I share with the world lets me open to it with unspeakable joy.
I am thankful that none of this threatens my own uniqueness. I am inherently an individual. No one else can experience the world from my perspective. I am thankful that I do not need to create "others" to safeguard my identity. I am so thankful for those who do not need to create an "other" out of me to safeguard theirs. Respect and acceptance, acknowledgment and understanding. Thank you.
- Thanksgiving
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
the1trueheather- November 30th, 2:10
- Happiness is...
-
- the1trueheather
- November 17th, 22:27
relieved
not having stitches in my mouth.
- Tooth Extraction
-
- the1trueheather
- November 14th, 21:47
For those of you who may get squeamish, or don't want to be frightened of the procedure should you ever need it, you should probably just skip this one...( So the term )
- Personal Ethics
-
- the1trueheather
- November 1st, 13:00
Another Question for you all:
Have you ever doubted your right to make moral choices for yourself? What caused this doubt? Did you over come it? What led you to do so or not?
Any perspectives you can give me on this would be appreciated. Thanks.
- That. Was. Awesome.
-
- the1trueheather
- November 1st, 1:32
- ecstatic
My friendsshennen and S just got married in a Halloween wedding that I've been looking forward to for years.
Wow.
Any and all expectations were completely exceeded. I had an incredible time.
:)
- Meeting the In-Laws
-
- the1trueheather
- October 29th, 22:13
- loved
1st - Meeting the extended family and friends at the funeral of my mother-in-law-to-be (or would-have-been) created a decidedly odd dynamic.
2nd - I would have never imagined how good being told "Mazel Tov!" could make me feel. A close second was, "We're your cousins!"
- Cognitive Dissonance revisited
-
- the1trueheather
- October 25th, 1:05
Thank you to everyone who responded to my last post.
I wanted to respond with my own thoughts on the questions, but since it has been a while, I decided to do a new post.
Like for many of you, having my actions follow my opinions is vitally important to me. I agree with many of the reasons given. In addition, it is a core aspect of my personality. I am, very simply, drawn to truth, and to being true. I do not have any concern about the fact that I grow and develop new perspectives that allow me to understand myself better, and so sometimes change my mind. Quite the contrary, I celebrate that growth. But I also have invested a very large amount of energy in my understanding of myself, and even more energy in learning to successfully be that person in the world as fully as I can. I've found the results of these efforts to be endlessly fulfilling.
When it comes to other people's actions following their stated opinions, I have generally adopted a similar attitude to some of the ones expressed. If others don't wish to know themselves as well as I do, they don't have to, and so if they aren't accurate in their statements, its not something I'm going to take issue with. But I have also recently experienced situations in which some people have been consistent and others have not. I have been able to witness how very supportive this consistency is for me in the trust building process. So I guess this may be an area where I am changing my mind - or at least recognizing that my answer is more in depth than I once understood.
Thanks again for the responses. It helped me sort out my thoughts on the topic.
- Cognitive Dissonance
-
- the1trueheather
- October 15th, 21:01
Questions for you all:
How important is it to you that your actions follow your opinions?
How important is it to you that other people's actions follow their stated opinions?
Why?
- Success! :/
-
- the1trueheather
- October 8th, 17:30
After a very long line of tests, specialists, and other medical musings, we have identified a "definate problem" that "could definately be causing all of the symtoms" that I have described (all of the nerve pain, vertigo, weakness, migraines, etc). We'll see how it goes...
I have an absessed tooth and a bone infection in my jaw.
But wait, you say, didn't you get an x-ray to rule out a bone infection merely a month ago? Yes. Yes indeed I did.
The treatment prescribed is two root canels and a heavy course of antibiotics. It is really a massive infection.
I think I'll be hopeful after I recover from the root canels (not scheduled until next week). Right now I'm just braced.
- Engagement Responses
-
- the1trueheather
- September 28th, 2:13
My friends are awesome. The amount they care about me has been demonstrated very clearly to me through how much joy they have taken in my happiness and future happiness. Thank you all so much for being happy to share my joy. Many of you are also simply goofy and odd - which I love. Here are some of the things that have been said regarding my engagement:
R - How is Steve, your fiance? (later) Are you going to see Steve, your fiance? (later) This is so cool, you have a fiance!
T - You should tell Steve that he's taking the bad news about you catching the bouquet really well. (for those of you who don't know I was recently Maid of Honor at a wedding at which I caught the bouquet)
K - I wish you bright blessings and cheese!
G - I heard a rumor that you and Steve are engaged.
me - Yes, we are. He proposed on Wednesday.
Steve - (over my shoulder as I'm talking on the phone) No, Thursday.
me - Oh, he wants me to say that it was actually Thursday. It was after midnight.
G - I love my friends.
M - (The first actual response I got from someone I hadn't told directly) So I’m totally in Korea... According to Facebook, G had friends Steve and Heather who just got engaged. If this isn’t you, sorry for saying the next part, but yay! Congratulations!
D - I just figured out what that noise is. Your getting a standing ovation and cheering from all stations.
me - (to the first person I told, which happened over chat) Steve proposed last night
R- !
What did you say?
me - yes
R- wow
IM doesn't communicate emotions very well
me - (to the second person I told, also over chat) Steve proposed last night
S - OMG!!!!!!!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!
I love you all!
- to delosd
-
- the1trueheather
- September 26th, 1:12
- ecstatic
Yes
- Timing
-
- the1trueheather
- August 10th, 19:46
I have been learning so many interesting things at physical therapy. One thing that I have learned is that there is a set of muscles in the neck that, when they become too tense, put pressure on some nerve/blood vessel combination that, in turn, creates extremely intense nausea. (This is not the point of this post, but necessary to understand the point)
I got to experience this first hand when some new pt exercises had unexpected results. At some point as I dragged myself through the mounting nausea, I came to the foggy realization, that even with my irritable bowels syndrome, this was the worst nausea that I had ever experienced. I stubbornly finished my errands, staggered home, and fell into bed. (This too, is not the point of this post, but also necessary to understand the point)
While falling into an uncomfortable half-sleep, I thought to myself that if I didn't feel better when I woke up, I might calldelosd and see if he would come over. Just having him nearby makes me feel better.
I woke up with two realizations. 1) my nausea was not better 2) my phone was ringing
It wasdelosd on the phone, telling me that he was standing outside of my front door. When I staggered down stairs, I found him standing there with a dozen roses.
There are many aspects of our relationship that are very happy and very healthy. We are good to each other and for each other and support each other in many ways, like in this example. They are very sane and intentional. But one of the things that seems more like luck than intention is the amazingly good timing we have had with each other. This is not the first, nor one of only a few, example of seemingly impossible to predict perfect timing that we have had.
To his credit, I had a difficult day the day before, and he was surprising me because he thought it might be nice after the day I had previously. Consistent good timing doesn't just happen by chance. It requires an in depth and complex understanding of the situation, a willingness to take initiative when opportunities arise, enough margin to be able to back up that initiative, the confidence to do this all smoothly. It is a very tall order. But when it works...
Wow.
- Polaris
-
- the1trueheather
- August 9th, 2:32
- grateful
"All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive"
I have yet to post directly about Polaris on this blog. A huge part of the reason behind this is that up until recently, it hasn't been firmly established enough for me to examine it outside of my own head. Watching it come to life is astonishing. I have created things before. Big things. But this has been different. I am only one of six founders of Polaris, and I am Polaris's head of school. This has created an amazingly interesting state in which Polaris has more of me in it than anything else I have ever created, and I have given up more control over it than anything else I have ever begun. And this is exactly how it should be.
The vision of Polaris is that it forms a community where individuals support each other in gaining the skills and perspectives that help them each choose and walk their own path. A school and community needs a leader, but a community with this vision has no place for a single, controlling figure. I have come to understand my appropriate areas of authority, as well as those areas in which I refuse to take authority, because both the authority and responsibility for those areas rightfully belong to the individual, or to the community as a whole. In a very short time, I have seen this workout far better than I would have chosen on my own, and quite a bit worse, but it is turned out for the better so much more often, that the less successful times are only really worth mentioning because denying their existence would be untruthful. The people of Polaris amaze me. It is a particularly difficult thing they have chosen to do, and they shine with it.
Looking back from this point, I realize that this has been my path for as long as I can remember. My "Head of School" bio for the website discusses not only my weapons study background, but also my self defense background - which started with basic self defense training in grade school, was expanded on with peer trauma counseling in high school, and I'm continuing now with my work with the National Women's Martial Arts Federation. It also talks about my history founding community organizations, the first truly official one I began when I was ten (a neighborhood library). And, of course, there is my career as an educator and educational leader. Self-actualization is something I have striven for as long as I can remember. Likewise, I have always worked to help others gain independence and happiness. I have a memory of a snow day in first grade when my brother's preschool class hadn't been canceled. They had a field trip that day and my mother was a chaperon, so I got to go along. At some point during the day, one of the little girls needed her shoe tied, and she and I fell behind the group because instead of tying her shoe for her, I taught her to tie her shoes for herself. When we caught up to my mother, she had to untie her shoes so she could show my mom what she could do. I still remember her smile. I was six. This is who I am and who I have always been.
Knowing this, I also know that at some point, someone else will come along who has been on a similar path - someone who has the skills and experience to be a head of school, and someone who is the type of person who teaches with full and earnest desire for their students to use that knowledge to increase their independence and joy. When this happens, I will have the opportunity to do something else and the school will get a new leader. Until then, I concern myself with giving Polaris everything it needs and deserves to thrive, while not becoming over-invested in a way that clouds my vision. One of my greatest responsibilities in this role is not to make Polaris thrive, but to let it thrive. I hope that I will get to talk to some other heads of school that I met at the self defense instructor's conference. They may not have advice for me on this, but they might.
There are many, many more thoughts about Polaris that I would like to write about, but time is also a strong factor, and this is all time permits for now.
- Summertime Happiness
-
- the1trueheather
- August 5th, 15:54
I am laying in bed with the sun shining on my skin, the wind blowing through the maple leaves outside of the open window,
and I have the internet.
:D
- Wopak Happens
-
- the1trueheather
- August 4th, 21:26
And that is okay.
We do our best, except sometimes we don't, and even when we do, wopak happens.
And that is okay.
Footnote: For those of you unfamiliar with the usage, "wopak' is "kapow" spelled backward. "Kapow" in this usage means general awesomeness and any particular positive in specific. "Wopak" is, well, the opposite.
- Musings of a Control Freak
-
- the1trueheather
- July 29th, 13:06
I love growing, experiencing new things, and seeing myself develop as a person.
So much of growing up, of gaining maturity, poise and grace, was about self control. It was about identifying the excuses that I and other people used to avoid (or prevent me from) accepting responsibility for actions and situations that I had the potential to exert power to affect. It was also about becoming able to use my own judgment about how and when I would use such power. It was also about gaining the experience to know when it is okay to not act, and the patience to let events take their course. All of these things require that I be in control of me.
I recently had an experience that, in an amazingly wonderful way, blindsided me, and I found myself somewhat "out of my head." I was not thinking clearly. I was not perceiving clearly. I was not physically steady. I was most certainly not in control. Far more than being not in control of the situation, I was not in control of myself.
At one time, not very long ago at all, I would have found this very unsettling at the best. More likely, I would have been quite freaked out by it and fairly upset with myself over it. Even more likely, I would not have been capable of experiencing it at all.
But my emotional experience of this was very different than what it would have been not so long ago. Not only was it okay. It was wonderful. And not only was it wonderful. It was okay.I'm pretty sure that the factor that has allowed for this difference to develop is the relative increase of social, emotional, and psychological safety of my environment. I recently commented about how much I appreciate being able to talk about my flaws with my friends and know that my admission of them won't later be used against me. I also was discussing how good it feels to be able to laugh at the things that seem so serious and fraught in life. It's why I like Dr. Horrible so much. A very large part of my current emotional growth and the new emotional experiences that I'm having center around the freedom that security brings. Which is a terribly interesting paradox to those who see freedom and security as opposing forces...
- The Cascade of June
-
- the1trueheather
- July 4th, 18:14
"Fight the terror that creeps over the senses and fight the soul-blight of pain and fight... the monsters." - me (from my lj bio)
The list of seriously "not-my-friends"
Flashbacks
Pain
Mucus
The list of accomplishments and joys
Free from W.W.
Rose and Doug and Steve and Puppies
Official Michigan non profit corporation status for Polaris
Huge amounts of program development for Polaris
Seventeen participants for SWRv
Taking a course on Teaching an Online Course
New-Moon Solstice
Birthday - This birthday I was showered with more directly and simply positive attention than any birthday in my adult life. Thank you to everyone. Specific and personal thank yous are coming. It was wonderful (Even a bit disconcerting :) )
- Enough
-
- the1trueheather
- May 24th, 6:33
contemplative
5:27am. It begins to grow light. Robins are chirping. Another day. May is rich with light, and this May I'm actually getting to notice.
Several years ago I wrote some reflections on the topic of questing. One of the most notable was that quests are expensive. I have the occasion to reflect on this from a different perspective as I think about my budgetary lay off.
Developing the Gifted and Talented program this year has been a professional opportunity I have wanted for my entire career. I have put every piece of professional knowledge and and every professional skill that I have to use during this year. This job has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I have many stories. I have learned much, gained much, lost much.
Walking away, I have a strange, quiet acceptance. I have finished the quest. With this, I am done.
I do not stop easily. It is not normal that I am not railing against having to stop. There is a next year. Someone else will be teaching my program. Someone with less experience, training, and skills in gifted education, but more seniority at the school district than I. At first this was galling, and it is still professionally offensive. But it doesn't really matter to me. I finished.
The year took so much of me, I put so much of me into it, that I'm okay with stopping. I've given enough of myself. I am satisfied.
I have never been good with endings. It is strange that this one should feel so natural.
Now I'm looking around for the first time in a decade and thinking about what I want to do next - in the big picture. I'm resting. Taking in the sunlight, the warmth, the green and flowers and fuzzies. And reinserting the proper prepositions into the proper locations in my spoken vocabulary.
And May, which in the education field has always been an ending, somehow gets to be a beginning this year.
- Wow.
-
- the1trueheather
- April 20th, 20:21
- pleased
Reflecting on my weekend, I've had an enormously pleasing realization. The feel of my home during the warm months, particularly on the weekends, is not very different than what I loved about Key West.
It would seem I'm doing something right.
:)
- Rights
-
- the1trueheather
- April 17th, 16:21
I have been thinking about the rights of the individual, specifically rights that are held internally, but affect interactions with the world. There are some that lead to conflict. These conflicts can arise from a number of areas, including fundamental disagreements, limited resources, or personal insecurities. The conflicts that arise do not nullify these rights. There are many different ways these conflicts can be handled, but because they stem from situations where the people involved may be all be simply behaving in line with their own individual rights, they are not necessarily to be avoided. Nor is it necessary that because there is conflict, there is a party that is in the wrong. These situations provide some of the most interesting moral considerations for me.
Some examples of these types of rights include the right to:
choose our sense of morality or moral code and to choose our actions and interactions based on it (most accept this within a range of morals, but have a much harder time with morals far outside of their own - where is the line? Is there a line?)
full ownership of our knowledge, skills, and accomplishments - even if others were involved or helped in their acquisition
I would love to hear your thoughts on these, or any other examples you can think of.
